Beware Hypnagogia

I feel that I must give a warning here about some of the things I experienced.

In my reading I had been forewarned about hallucinations that some experience during deep meditation. Once source described Buddha's hallucinations during his early mediation practices. In addition, in my online discussions with a Buddhist monk he had told me that they had some people who suffered traumatic mental damage during deep meditation sessions.

However, because of my arrogance, conceit or that the warning were not strong enough I proceeded. I survived mentally intact but the hallucinations where far more powerful that I had expected. It turns out that there is state between sleeping and waking called hypnagogia where the mind conjures up hallucinations. In fact, these experiences are often encountered by people in isolated environments such as fighter jets and sensory deprivation chambers.

So, I expected hallucinations. What I didn't expect was that the hallucinations would be more than just visions. They turned out to be in 5 dimensions in that I would hear, taste, smell, see and feel them. These senses add a whole bunch of extra dimensions to the mix. It is much easier to deal with an hallucination when one or two senses say "it's there" and the others say "it's not". But when all five are in agreement, the hallucinations can become incredibly powerful and, in some cases, absolutely terrifying.

At first, my hallucinations started small: tiny blue flickering flames. After a few weeks of this, a statue I was focusing on appeared to be talking with it facial features changing (lips moving). Still later, I could hear the sounds along with a clicking background noise that, if I listen for it, I can hear even now.

Next came periodic hallucinations while I was not meditating. Once I went into my darkened bed room and turned around to see some sort of hooded and robed sentient grey reptile that smiled and waved at me then faded away. It looked a lot like the Geico mascot -- too much television advertising.

But through all this I held it together and although the experiences did cause some emotional reaction I treated them as hallucinations and kept on. I did however question whether I should keep going and risk my sanity. Those that know me tell me that there's not a lot left to risk, so I kept going.

The most intense hallucination was when the bookcase I was focusing on during a meditation session burst into blue flames. I was able to maintain my focus until I felt a blast of heat, then I quickly bailed out of the astral plane.

What came to mind was that I had finally found those latent super powers that I always hoped I had (read too many comic books). But when I broke the spell by coming out of my meditative state the flames and heat immediately vanished and there was no residual evidence that there was anything there in the first place.

These a just a few of the hallucinations I had and I remember these pretty much because they involved my dominant senses. There have been others involving smell and taste. But it is hard to put much drama in something that tastes or smells bad... And by drama I mean my reaction to it.

Now keep in mind that the reason I started all this was to help deal with stress. It seemed to me that I had found a way to increase and not decrease it. Fortunately, this hallucinatory phase was transitory and I finally got pass it.

Next blog entry will describe the techniques I used and what I think is going on. These entries will be made on as "available time" basis unless something happens to change that.

...Could Be The Start Of Something Big...

I have been using meditation techniques for about 30 years. I started during my first divorce in an effort to manage the associated stresses and emotions. I learned and used the technique taught by the Transcendental Meditation association. I felt pretty good after the session but the results were spotty. I would have good and not so good sessions and rarely had the great results of the first session.

I used the technique on and off (mostly off) to manage stress associated with work and school. It helped some. But when I took a buy-out offer to establish my own company the results I was getting were not sufficient to handle the stresses.

The pressure of starting you own company is unrelenting and virtually constant. The pressures of a full time job and school abates sometimes. This allows some recovery time whereas continuous stress allows none. I had to do something otherwise I was definitely going to go under. Not wanting to turn to medication, self or otherwise, since my family had a history of drug dependent behavior, I decided to try and improve my meditation skills.

In addition, they were other factors that pushed me into this route. One was that as long as I can remember I always felt connected to something. And I seemed to know things that I could not figure out from where the knowledge came. Finally, when I started my work in setting up my company I kept getting these lucky breaks. These "co incidents" happened too often to be "co incidents" in my opinion. To me, there really seemed to be something going on.

So to develop my technique I did extensive reading and used Netflix to set up a video curriculum of anything mystical or spiritual I could find. In addition, I kept experimenting with different methods of meditating. After a few years of this research and development, I had a series of experiences.

Most of these experiences are impossible to describe in words; the vocabulary does not exists. Further existing vocabulary is constrained to describing things that come through the traditional 5 senses or can be converted to a 5 sense medium via some type of transducer. How do you describe something where there is no way to measure or confirm its existence? And why try? The effort will probably be ineffective and lead to frustration.

Well, I can only say because something is nagging me to put down my experiences in writing. Also, in my research I found a lot of the information obscure, contradictory and confusing. It seemed that it was intentionally put in that form. It seemed like most college textbooks written where form took priority over content and clarity.

So this blog is my egotistical effort to explain the unexplainable. My only excuse is that something is forcing me in this effort.